October 29, 2009 George Foster

Some of the worst ‘walls’ i’ve had the displeasure of being amongst…..

I was rummaging through my pockets (no not for a crafty wank) and found a tattered membership card for a soon to be mentioned climbing wall here in the US and thought “Ey up, might have found something interesting to write about for a change”.

As the name suggests this is a roll-call of some of the worst climbing walls i’ve been to, for the simple reason that everyone is entitled to my opinion. This is an inexhaustible list that will be added to as and when i feel the need, so if you’re establishment isn’t on there……..keep checking back cos it may well be soon.

Sydney Indoor Climbing Centre, Australia – WTF?? The biggest climbing wall in Australia?? Unlucky Australia is all I say. The bouldering there is okay i guess but what’s with the grading system….it’s not even loosely based on the Aussie grading way (which is the way grading should be done by the way)! The guy at the door was a nob too. Redeeming feature……hot chick teaching some kids to boulder, good luck with that.

Redpoint Climbing Centre, Birmingham, UK – SHITE. The price of a car to get in, half the routes are slabby top-ropes and the bouldering is BOLLOCKS. Friendly staff mind, apart from the dude that tried to take the hoover to my chalkbag – wanker.

Pacific Edge, Santa Cruz, USA – Not even the gym that gave us the Sharmessiah could save itself after we had to endure separate ‘belay’, ‘top-rope’, ‘lead belay’ and ‘lead climbing’ tests just to get on their shitty, poorly set, plastic snatching power-fests. No wonder Our Lord Sharma is such a mutant. The routes are labyrinthine quests across featureless roofs where dragging the rope to the next clip is harder than the climbing itself. A right ball-ache.

UPDATE: Ambleside Climbing Wall, UK – New contender for the shittest wall in the UK (sorry Redpoint). Laughable, just…..laughable. Almost fainted when I was told the price for admission; definitely fainted when I saw inside. I’ve seen better facilities in a disabled toilet. Poor route setting (and I’m holding back my vitriol now cos it doesn’t serve any good) and pathetic ‘training’ apparatus. Kendal I’m sorry, I’m coming back! I’m so upset I’ve changed the Font for this update and now can’t change it back!

That’s all for now…watch it though you shit climbing wall owner bastards there will be more.

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